Dearest Landlords and Landladies,
We are your tenants. The ones you think are too entitled, too reckless, too rebellious. And that’s fine. We are used to hearing that.
But there are a few things you need to hear. And it’s about what you say to us one time too often.
1. “Tell Me, Which State Are You From?”
We’re from the 21st century, uncle. And it has no room for leasing out flats based on regional stereotypes. (Haryanivis are not “goons” and North-easterners are not “junglee”). We welcome everyone with open arms. And you should too.
2. “Pay The Rent on Time, Okay?”
Yes, uncle, we will pay our rent on time. Provided “on time” doesn’t mean the morning of the first of the month.
3. “You Do Too Much Party-sharty.”
Uncle, I think you need to increase the power of your glasses. Because then, you’ll be able to see that we also “have a life”. Plus, parties are an excellent way to loosen up, which you really need to do.
4. “Why Are You Coming Back So Late?”
So sorry, aunty. We had taken a short trip to another planet where one minute is equal to seven hours on earth. And we kind of just lost track. Also, when did you turn into our mother?
5. “Listen, It Will Take Time. If You Want Hot Water Now, Get The Geyser Fixed Yourself.”
Oh, our fault. We thought by paying rent, we were also paying to not freeze when we shower in the winter months. How selfish of us!
Also, the next time you come asking for rent, we’ll just tell you to pay it yourself. Okay, aunty?
6. “You Make Too Much Noise.”
Ummm, we thought we were living in a flat, not a silent meditation centre. Also, every evening, you watch primetime TV news debates that are less like debates and more like shouting matches. You seriously think ‘we’ make noise?
7. “Actually, We Had to Keep Some Furniture In Your Room, If You Don’t Mind.”
First of all, aunty, we think we pay rent to stay in your flat, not your storage facility. And also, why do you say “if you don’t mind”, when it doesn’t matter to you if we mind or not?
8. “I Have Decided to Sell The Flat. You Will Have to Vacate By Month’s End.”
What a coincidence, uncle! We were thinking of moving out ourselves.
It’s just too annoying to deal with your drama. So we’re going to a Stanza Living residence, where we won’t have to worry about your rules and regulations. You could check them out and get an idea of what your tenants actually want.
Till then, we’ll make it easy for you. And leave on our own.
Hoping to see you again, never.